Some days, I feel like a bad mom. I let the ideals of motherhood swallow the real moments. The result is guilt. I feel guilty when I let Parker watch TV. Even worse, eat in the living room while watching TV. I feel guilty when I make ramen noodles - I purposely don't buy them because I know the temptation is too hard to resist. I feel guilty when I snap and find myself yelling. It really kills me. A three year old does not deserve to be yelled at. That is not the mother that I want to be.
And then this happened...
We were outside playing with bubbles and water. I had squirted Parker a few times to cool off and he did the same for me. Then before I knew it Parker had squirted Matilda and she did not appreciate the cool down. Not. At. All. She was fine within seconds after Parker traded her tears for his sunglasses.
In moments like this I often ask myself, "Should I feel guilty for not putting down the camera fast enough?". But the truth is, this is the good stuff. This is real and innocent - despite the devilish look on Parker's face in the photo. This is what I want my kids to experience. I am happy that I captured it on camera. I do not feel an ounce of guilt. I love these photos.
We dried Matilda's tears, had a laugh, talked about how we should not do that again, and then we all sat on the blanket and soaked up the sun, the love, and the quiet. Now that is the mother I am happy to be.
