Truth is, I have been all over the map this week. Matilda was not acting like her usual self. I was up with her all of Monday night. I got 2 hours of sleep and at 6am she projectile vomited all over me. It was just like when she was a newborn - a few hours after she had nursed, mostly unprocessed, and a large amount. I was beside myself with worry. She is fine. It only happened that one time and she never got a fever. She slept most of the day and was back to herself by Wednesday.
Most days I go about life just like any other parent might, but every once in a while something - an event, moment, smell or object - brings me right back to the hospital holding onto my dying baby's hand. It is clear that I am still in the process of healing.
Sometimes being a parent means enduring the worst or celebrating the best, but most days it is just about the choice to enjoy the regular moments. It is about getting both kids successfully napping at the same time so that a shower can happen. Or dancing in the living room with one kid strapped in a carrier and the other sliding off the hip. It is about feeling proud of what was accomplished and laughing at what did not go as planned.
Yesterday I did just that, I chose to have a good day.
I am currently obsessed with Disney's Big Block SingSong series. The tunes are so catchy - they make me smile.
